Past and Present
by clever.tricks
Summary: Raoul and Gary discuss bullying among pages.


_A/N: Written for Goldenlake SMACKDOWN, 2011_

_Ralon was thin and tall, with awkward limbs that were easy to grab and bend. He'd had a year more training, but he was a mediocre fighter, and Raoul was big. They'd caught him picking on the smaller boys again, the sneak. Jon did the talking - that was his role, as it was Raoul's role, and Gary's, to get their hands dirty. They were teachers, the three of them, but Ralon was a bad student; he never seemed to learn the lesson. No matter. Raoul enjoyed their revision. _

***

Raoul slumped in one of his chairs and sat there for a long time, thinking. Suddenly, he stood and strode through the labyrinthine palace, seeking out someone for help. When he poked his head round Gary's door he was greeted with a smile, though Gary knew almost instantly that something was wrong. He came away from his desk and seated Raoul in a comfortable armchair, himself taking its twin. "What is it?"

"Joren of Stone Mountain was tried today."

"I heard he confessed."

"He did. He treated the whole thing with contempt. It didn't mean anything to him."

"But he was convicted?"

"Turomot gave a hundred crown fine."

Gary's eyes crinkled as he smiled. "But young Keladry wasn't happy with that?"

"You know?"

"I've spoken to Jon. That squire of yours! She's unleashed an avalanche of paperwork onto my shoulders, I don't mind telling you."

"You disagree with her?"

"Not at all. I respect her – standing up to the King like that? That's no mean feat for anyone, let alone a squire from a newly ennobled family."

"You stand up to Jon all the time."

"As do you. But we're in the rather privileged position of being his best friends. _Yes_, even now. Things haven't changed _that_ much, though you may have your own opinion about that."

"I may."

"Yes, I suspected as much. But if it isn't the trial that's bothering you, what is?"

"Its… in a way it _is_ the trial. Remember Ralon of Malvern?"

Gary looked startled. "Ralon? Yes, but what's he got to do with it?"

"I was sitting in the courtroom today, watching this young man who did something terrible, but seemed not to think so. He disgusted me, and yet for the first time, I wondered if he could have been different, given the chance."

"What do you mean? Nobody forced him to kidnap someone, or to mistreat Keladry. He has to be held accountable for his actions."

"That's true. But wasn't he a product of his surroundings? His parents, his privilege, his training. Can we blame him for believing what he's been told by father all his life, and what's supported by centuries of convention? If I had been born in Stone Mountain, might I have turned put the same?"

"It's all well and good when his beliefs are just that, but when he starts putting other, innocent people in danger, it becomes a more serious matter."

"Believe me, I agree. Joren is unfit to be a knight, and if it were up to me, he'd be doing hard labour just like those thugs he hired."

"That sounds more like the Raoul I know."

"Maybe that's part of the problem..."

"Go on."

"I watched Kel's reaction to the conviction. How she confronted Jon and challenged him change the law, concerned first for the rights and safety of her maid, how she prioritised that over any revenge she might take over Joren."

"Such is the duty of any noble, knights especially."

"Not according to that law, it wasn't. Before the trial, before she knew he had kidnapped Lalasa, she had forgiven Joren for bullying her as a page. She was prepared to give him another chance."

"And look where it got her."

"She gave up her right to face him in combat, in order to ensure a change in the law, and prevent future suffering among commoners. She chose the good of many over her own personal satisfaction. I was proud of her, and ashamed of myself. Would I have done that same?"

"Yes."

"Maybe now, but not when I was her age."

"Maybe, maybe not. So what's this got to do with Ralon?"

"He was a bully."

"Yes."

"So were we."

"You think so?"

"We always chose personal satisfaction over the common good. Yes, we defended others when he picked on them, but by beating Ralon worse than he beat them. By publicly humiliating him."

"We didn't pick on innocent people."

"But neither were we ourselves innocent. I _liked_ hitting Ralon. I was the worst in that respect. Worse than you and Jon."

"I held him down for you."

"But I did the hitting. And I hit _hard._"

"So what do you suggest we should have done differently?"

"I don't know." Raoul sighed. "If we had reported him to Duke Gareth, maybe he could have done something. Changed him, or at least stopped him. Helped him, and he might never have gone on to become a murderer."

"Or maybe he would have gone on doing the same thing."

"Maybe so. But what if he _had_ changed? Like Joren claimed he had? Would we have forgiven him? Or would we have gone on punishing him, because we didn't like him?"

"I can't answer that. I don't know, though I _like_ to think –"

"Oh yes, tell me what you 'like' to think!"

"Alright, alright. Point taken. Joren hadn't really changed at all though, had he?"

"But he might have. So you think we were right to act as we did?"

"No, I don't. But I don't know what the right thing do would have been. Joren and Ralon had very different reasons for behaving as they did, and I don't know what we could have done to change them. We probably didn't handle it the best way, but then (respect to my father) the training masters turn a blind eye. They always have. Wyldon still does, if I'm right about him. We were children, for all that we were expected to be adults, left to handle it ourselves, and fighting is what we were being trained in."

"So you agree with me? Why the twenty questions, then?"

"No twenty questions, I just wanted to hear what you thought. I came to similar conclusions years ago. Or rather I began to think about it when Ralon resurfaced, and I have yet to come to any conclusions. I'm surprised it took you so long. Better late than never, I suppose."

"Still just as annoying as you always were," Raoul shook his head. "So why didn't you say anything?"

"No real reason. Because we've changed. Because I can see that you're no bully, Raoul, however we may have treated Ralon. Look, at the time we were young and arrogant. We strutted around like we owned the place because we were friends with the prince, we were rich, old blood –"

"Bigger than everyone else -"

"Yes. Good at lessons –"

"Strong fighters –"

"Athletic –"

"Incredibly charming -"

"Extremely handsome –"

"Dashing –"

"Well endowed –"

"Exquisite poets –"

"Exactly. And we disliked Ralon because he was awkward and unpleasant, unattractive and mediocre. But we would have left him alone if he hadn't been a bully also. Whether or not we became bullies in turn, well, it's twenty years in the past now and Ralon's long dead. Who can say how things might have turned out if we had been different as boys?"

"I suppose," Raoul said doubtfully.

"Let me put it to you this way – when you go out there, tracking and killing bandits who are terrorising a village, do you feel like you're being a bully, or like you're doing your job, defending innocent people?"

"Defending innocent people."

"And yet those very same bandits are in turn destitute, often driven to pillage only through their own poverty. I read a bad agricultural report, or that of a natural disaster, plague, anything, and I know straight away that you will shortly be dispatching men to deal with a whole new wave of bandits. It doesn't make hem blameless and it doesn't make you a bully, but it does mean that you are addressing the symptoms, and not the cause. And as long as the disease remains, symptoms will continue to crop up. The root cause is not always treatable, but we do what we can."

Raoul sighed and leant back, staring at the ceiling. "I try not to think about that while I'm in amongst them with an axe."

"No. Facing the humanity of those you kill is the hardest part of being a soldier. Few ever attempt it. It's part of the reason I gave up that life." Raoul looked back into his friend's chestnut eyes and they shared a slightly sad smile. "We'll see what happens with Joren. He and his kind are just scared. You know this already."

"Why isn't anything ever easy?"

"Because the Gods need us for entertainment. We don't want them getting bored, do we?"

"No. They'd probably send us down a tornado or something worse, just to stir the pot a bit, see what rises to the surface. "

"Ssh, keep your voice down! Now – were that I witnessed it myself, but describe to me, sparing no detail, exactly the expression on that old turnip Turomot's face when Joren gave him 'permission' to sentence him."

"Aaah, it was a thing to behold. Absolutely satisfying."

***

_The boys surrounded Ralon in a ring, so he couldn't escape. He knew what was coming. The anticipation of the inevitable blows added a note of terror which would surely increase the efficacy of the lesson. Ralon's sweat and swivelling eyes gratified Raoul. Make Ralon feel the fear he inflicted on others. It was important to explain the reason for the punishment; Jon provided that instruction. As Ralon backed away from Raoul's advancing form, he stumbled backward into Gary, who came from behind and restrained him so he couldn't fight back. Raoul struck deep into Ralon's belly, then aimed at his face. _


End file.
